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[palmerthing]

 *There's one more new person for the Nexus today. He stumbles in looking more than a bit freaked out, but to be fair he's been having one Hell of a day. When he sees that he's no longer where he was he doesn't even bother to be properly confused, instead slumping into a chair and lighting up.* Bunch of paranoid fucking lunatics, man. If I never go back there it'll be too soon.

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[museicalmarty]

So do I, honestly, but -- I dunno? Feels like there should be one? [he shrugs] Got me.

[Hard to imagine, easy to remember. Marty supposes he can't blame the Thing -- being attacked with flamethrowers can't be fun -- but damn, does it make him nervous. Fortunately this Thing seems to be pretty anti-violence so far, so that helps matters. If he doesn't want to fight, and Marty doesn't want to fight. . .then the anti-violence field should hold for them too. Good] Yeah, that -- wouldn't be good for anybody.

[Aaand -- okay, it's come down to this. Marty takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly] I think I've figured it out already. . .but you're not the original Palmer, are you? Not the same Palmer that was there before the Thing.

[palmerthing]

*He leans back a bit, doing his best to project absolutely harmless.* I wish I could tell you that I was perfectly normal, that I'm the same person I was a week ago. Unfortunately I'm not normal and I'm probably not that person at all. The dog got to me first thing. Or to my original at least.

It's kind of fucked up, really. Most of my personality is still the pacifist stoner with authority issues and a dry sense of humor, but I can look at that personality from an outside perspective and wonder if I'm playing it correctly. Then underneath that is the urge to keep hidden and assimilate prey. Which . . . well, staying under cover is just common sense when everyone is after you with fucking flamethrowers, but can you imagine how goddamn badly 'pacifist war protester' and 'all living things are food' go together? Or rather fail to? Sure, the old me was a Veteran Against the War, he wasn't exactly innocent, but that was just the reason he became pacifist.

You know how long I've wished I could tell somebody that? Good to get it off my chest, I gotta say. *He fiddles with the joint absently.* I'd appreciate it if you kept this to yourself, yeah? Even if hiding wasn't instinctive, I associate people knowing with fire and fun shit like that. The fewer people know the less tense I am, and I don't think it's good for anyone if I'm tense.

[museicalmarty]

[Marty isn't going to buy "absolutely harmless" -- but the effort made to try and project it is appreciated. He listens as "Palmer" explains what's his deal, raising an eyebrow] So it's like. . .you're like mostly the original guy, but there's all these alien instincts layered underneath now? That's -- weird. And yeah, I can bet 'pacifist protestor' and 'eat everything' are slamming into each other in bad ways. Yikes.

[he holds up his hands] I don't have anybody here I could tell, and, trust me, the last thing I want here is a fight. [and screw it, "Palmer" was straight with him] You know how I said some of the people who come here are characters in movies in other worlds and all that? Like I'm sort of from Back To The Future? Well, there's a horror movie in my world called The Thing. Guess what it's about. [he runs his fingers through his hair] I don't recall exactly what happened to you -- been a while -- but I know it ends with MacCready and one other guy preparing to freeze to death after everybody else dies, so. . .

[palmerthing]

Definitely weird. It's a bit like being a character actor, I guess? Only a lot more so. Sometimes I have to remind myself what I'm supposed to be thinking, other times I feel like nothing ever changed.

There's nothing quite like realizing that you've been watching someone you know to see if you can get him alone, or moving to keep him cut off from the group. I never even wanted to change anyone, it seemed too easy to lose group coordination if there were too many of us, but I kept finding myself staring at people when they weren't looking and imagining how good they would be. Of course I always felt a bit sick once I realized what I'd been daydreaming about . . . *He visibly tears himself away from that unpleasant train of thought.*

Thank you. *And then the next bit of information comes up and he winces.* I didn't think I was going to last much longer. Hopefully movie me gets at least one of the bastards first. Windows, maybe? I never liked that guy much. I can see how MacReady could be one of the last, though, he's a tough one. I tried to talk them into burning him, but he grabbed the dynamite before we could manage.

[museicalmarty]

I wouldn't know, I've never been a character actor. [he pauses, thinking that over] Though sometimes I tried to pretend I was more okay with things back in Arcadia than I actually was, so. . . [he shrugs]

[Now that? That reaction to the desire to assimilate? That makes Marty relax just a fraction. Not much, but -- it is comforting to see that "Palmer's" apparently not interested in infecting him.] Yeah, I can bet. . .you know what that makes the Thing sound like? Some sort of weird alien disease. Like a cold, only it can at least sort of think for itself. And it's got some sort of -- hive mind going on? I mean, why else would you worry about "group coordination. . ." [Part of him thinks Doc would be better for trying to figure this out, but he doesn't think "Palmer" would appreciate him bringing in someone else, especially a scientist] I dunno, do you remember anything from -- before Palmer? I'm just trying to understand here.

I -- wouldn't be surprised? Like I said, been a while since I watched it. And yeah, MacCready is one hell of a tough bastard. [he smirks a little] Though he is the main character, so he gets a few breaks the rest of you guys don't.

[palmerthing]

*He's glad that he got Marty to relax a bit. Frightened people are dangerous people.* It sort of is a disease, yes. A disease that changes every cell of you, that replaces you. As for the hive mind . . . I couldn't read other Things' minds, but I'm pretty sure I count as a hive mind myself. Every cell can do any job, right? Shapeshifter and all. So I'm only using my brain to think out of habit. But no, most of the worry about coordinating was the more fundamental problem of not getting in each other's way when doing so could get us killed and none of us dared communicate through anything beyond facial expressions. Let me tell you, trying to communicate 'as far as I know he's still human, did you change him?' with a glance is fucking difficult.

*No, he would absolutely not appreciate that. Certainly not without a lot more time to get comfortable and a whole bunch of safety measures for both sides' sakes.* Memories? Nothing much. A vague sensation of being a dog, a good idea of how to go about repairing a spaceship, some very odd hints at what something alien might be like. Palmer's memories are a lot clearer.

If you watch it again, tell me how it goes. *Eyeroll at the last bit.* He would be the main character, wouldn't he? Rugged alcoholic loner, perfect for an action movie.

[museicalmarty]

Creepy. . .and I guess? I'm a musician, not a biologist. But I see what you mean. [as Palmer continues, he catches himself picturing the various human-Things making really elaborate faces at each other in an attempt to communicate, then doing the overly-innocent thing whenever a regular old human looks at them -- not at all how it went down in the movie, but damn if it isn't kinda amusing. He has to fight back a smile] It sounds pretty frustrating, yeah. But when the alternative to just out yourself and promptly get roasted. . .

Huh. . .okay then. I guess that's an -- infiltration thing? Making sure you can pretend to be native? [another shrug] Things are more complicated than the movie made 'em look.

I'm thinkin' I might have to try and find a copy when I head home now, yeah. [now he lets himself smile] Horror-action, but yeah. Sorry, dude, but the pacifist stoner is usually comic relief.

[palmerthing]

I'm not a biologist either. It would be nice if I was, but honestly I'm just guessing about half of this shit myself. *Honestly Palmer and Norris do trade more than the average number of glances if you pay close attention. Not quite that level, but still.* Exactly. You can barely even nod to each other, because everyone is suspicious of everyone. Fucking dogthing ruined it for all of us, we might have even been able to talk to each other if the humans hadn't caught it. Of course they also went to the other camp, the Thing they found there might have given them a good enough idea, but that's just another example of not being coordinated. Too many cooks, you know?

Probably, yeah. Keep useful information, but not enough to break character.

I do have a pretty good sense of humor. It's a useful coping mechanism, isn't it? They didn't always get the joke, not when it was me, but the irony of chattering on about alien conspiracy theories when you're an alien is the kind of comedy you can't exactly share.

[museicalmarty]

Weird, having to guess stuff about yourself. Like, I couldn't tell you what exactly the Fae did to me to make me -- I guess a "nicer" version of Marty. [runs his fingers through his hair] Remember a lot of smelly shampoos and stuff, but who knew what was in 'em. I never wanted to ask.

[Is that so? Interesting tidbit -- perhaps something Marty will notice on his planned rewatch] Well, you're the one who guessed a Thing needs to be big enough to think properly -- DogThing was running mostly on dog instincts and Thing instincts, I bet. Probably no way that was gonna turn out well. [he tilts his head] You think you could have convinced the other Things that taking over too many people wasn't going to turn out well for anybody?

Right. . . [and now he's thinking of Fetches and -- he doesn't REALLY want to compare his life to The Thing]

Heh, yeah, that's fair enough. Sometimes all you can do is laugh. Even if it's only in your own head.

[palmerthing]

We share something in common, then. Not a very nice thing, but still.

*They stand next to each other a lot and there are a couple times when they definitely give each other long looks. They're the ones who put out the dogthing after it gets burned, too.* It wasn't likely, no. Smarter than a dog, but not smart like us. As for convincing them . . . I don't know, but we could have at least planned how to do it. Or chosen the best people. Not to mention that we wouldn't have had to worry about the fucking flamethrowers the whole time. That right there might have kept us from needing to do any more assimilation. *He throws up his hands. Not like he really knows how it would have gone, just that it wouldn't have been as hard.*

Laughter . . . I like laughter. It eases worry and pain. Part of why I like being myself, I'm funny. Palmer is funny. Oh men, going on about Chariots of the Gods? in the most deliberately obnoxious way possible was just the best. Not to mention reacting to the head with 'you gotta be fucking kidding.' It's what the old me would have said, so I said it, but the new me found it as funny as if someone else had said it. Weird how thinking 'what would I say' leads to surprising results sometimes. Sort of like being, I dunno, an author or something. The character does what he wants, but I am the character.

[museicalmarty]

Yeah, really wish we had something else in common. ...Though I guess "technically characters in a movie from the 1980s" also counts.

[Aha! That explains a lot] Any situation where you don't have to worry about flamethrowers is better than one where you do, yeah. I -- okay, this feels a little weird to say, but I'm sorry it all turned to shit so fast? I mean. . .I can't blame the humans for not wanting to get taken over, but -- you think coexistence could ever happen? . . .Or does that really depend on each individual Thing? (Because, well, it sounds like what's really keeping PalmerThing in check is Original Palmer's distaste for violence. Without that. . .hmmm]

Heh, yeah, laughter's good. And -- I guess? Sounds kind of like a weird out-of-body experience to me. . .maybe you've gotta be something like you to really get it. I can think of pre-Faerie me as "old me," but I don't feel like I'm just acting like him, so. . .

[palmerthing]

Yeah, '80s sci-fi at that.

Fuck fire. Terrible stuff. Whoever figured out how to make it shouldn't have bothered. *He's joking, but not completely. The only thing worse than being made to carry a flamethrower is having the humans carrying the flamethrowers.* Uh, thank you? God but this conversation is weird . . . no, I can't blame them either really. Coexisting would be hard, too, all you need is for one of us to decide they want to take over and you have a potential apocalypse on your hands.

Sometimes it feels a bit like being on acid. Dissociation, depersonalization. Which is fitting, the old Palmer did more than his fair share of the stuff. Was in rehab for it. Might explain why I connect so strongly with my old self. *He smiles slightly, his gaze going off into the distance.* Trying to remember the change is especially similar to an acid trip, man. The worm Ouroboros, devouring oneself. I looked myself in my own eyes and fed on myself as I slept.

[museicalmarty]

Heh, yeah. Though BTTF is rather more upbeat than The Thing. Except for, you know, getting kissed by your own mom and nearly fading from existence. [Marty is happy he at least got to skip THAT!]

My -- actually, I have no idea what the hell you call the person married to your honorary cousin, so -- Alice would probably agree with you. She's not a shapeshifting alien, but she did lose her parents in a house fire that left her catatonic for years, so. . . [waggles his hand] And you ain't kidding. But then again, you get a lot of weird conversations around here. [nods] Yeah, that's the problem. Trust me, really glad you don't seem to want that.

Never been on acid either. . . [he shivers a little at the description] Now that's creepy.

[palmerthing]

Paradox or something? Yeah, there's a reason I wouldn't time travel if you paid me. Not even to see if that Chariots of the Gods? guy was right after all.

I can imagine. I might even count as--well, not normal. But not the weirdest thing in several light-years. *Sigh.* There's a part of my mind that does, I'm just not stupid or cruel enough to actually listen. But then I, he . . . Palmer was never a stupid man. Sometimes lazy, intellectually, but never actually stupid. So I know that the fucked up little voice that thinks you look delicious is a bad thing. It's not just evil, it's bound to get me killed if I listen to it. So I'm going to stay over here and smoke weed and be Palmer, it's more fun all around.

Mmm. Well, depersonalization is pretty much what it sounds like: it's the sensation that you're watching yourself from the outside. That your thoughts are not you. Which is true for everyone, but we don't usually feel it that strongly, and it's not true to the same degree.

What? Oh, yeah. I guess it is creepy. But so is having a memory of the same event from two perspectives.

[museicalmarty]

Basically -- the plot of the movie is that movie!me goes back in time accidentally, after his friend who made the time machine gets shot, and while back there he screws up what would have been his parents' first meeting without realizing. So his mom ends up with a crush on him instead. It all works out, but -- yeah. Doesn't make me that eager to go travelin' through time myself.

"Normal" is not a thing that happens around here. You're probably not the weirdest thing around. Up there, but not the weirdest. [Marty grimaces, then nods empathetically] I think we're ALL gonna be a lot happier if you do that. I don't want to be a Thing, no offense -- I've got a family I need to get back to, and I don't need an evil alien voice in my head saying they look yummy.

Yeah, I figured. I've had a couple of moments like that in the past -- namely when I'd been up on stage too long and it was like my body was just -- going through the motions. Wasn't fun.

Oh yeah, I bet. That's the creepiest part about it.

[palmerthing]

No, I imagine it wouldn't.

I think I'm going to like a place where there is no normal. I might even feel like I don't have to hide eventually. *He looks a bit chagrined at Marty's grimace.* Sorry, but if I'm going to be honest I may as well be totally honest. And no, even if what is left still counts as you it's not the best of outcomes.

Yeah, that does sound pretty awful. But I have a human personality with alien instincts, and I can examine them from a position somewhere in between. It's more chaotic than that, of course, sometimes I feel more like a kaleidoscope of mental fragments, but that's the general idea.

I pet the dog. I licked the man. I went under my skin. *He looks down at his hands.* It's so hard to know who I really am. Maybe there is no answer.

[museicalmarty]

I suppose it was worth it from his perspective -- he ended up really improving his family's lives by encouraging his father to be more assertive, but. . .yech.

A lot of us like having a place where you don't get automatically told you're a freak for some of the shit that's happened to you. Or for being the shit that happened to somebody else. . . [he shakes his head] No, trust me, I prefer honest. Just -- yeah. Hard to get over some of the mental images going through my head. And my cousin and his wife have a baby at home, so. . . [so for him, there's a lot more to worry about]

That's -- it sounds pretty chaotic. Especially given what you said before, with the Thing wanting to consume everything but Palmer being pretty pacifist. . . I gotta say, I don't envy what's going on in your brain. [glancing at the joint] I think you got lucky Palmer had a stash of that stuff.

[And that gets a sympathetic look, because that's the kind of stuff that reminds him of Doc struggling with his own identity, back in Arcadia] Maybe. . .or maybe the answer is what you make of it. You're away from both the other humans and the other Things back there. You can do you, whoever that is.

[palmerthing]

Doesn't that mean he came home to people who might have totally different memories than him, though? It would almost be like being, well, an impostor.

Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm sure I have similar mental images going on. I'm just having them from the other side . . . *He winces.* If I start looking at you funny just remind me that you're, you know, not food? I'm doing well so far, but better if we both make sure I don't slip. I really don't want to slip.

Definitely lucky. Had to sober up once things got fraught, though, so that I didn't miss anything. It got to the point that not paying attention could get you killed. Of course I also had to pretend I wasn't paying too much attention, either, that would be out of character . . . sometimes I put on my headphones but didn't actually play any music.

*The sympathy is definitely appreciated. He manages a smile.* I like being Palmer. I'm sure I can find a way of being Palmer in spite of my instincts. Just takes a little more work.

[museicalmarty]

Uh -- the movie doesn't get into that, beyond having the movie Marty get kinda freaked out by seeing his parents and siblings doing so much better. And then there were the sequels, where he and movie Doc were running around through this alternate hell timeline and the Old West, and when he got back, he was relieved to see them all back to the way they were after the first time trip, so. . .I guess he was okay with it? And nobody really noticed anything different? [he shrugs helplessly] Doc thinks that he might have gotten the new timeline memories eventually, but it's kind of impossible to actually tell. Unless I run into that Marty around here one day.

[another little face] Yeah, I'll do that. I don't want any slips either. [points at himself] Marty McFly -- not for eating.

Well, yeah -- stoned out of your gourd is gonna get ya killed in a horror movie world. [nods] Yeah, I remember doing that with my Walkman when I wanted to listen in on my parents without them realizing. Smaller stakes than your thing, yeah, but. . .

[Marty gives a smile back] Hey, that's a start! And the Nexus might help with that. I'm pretty sure the anti-violence field would consider the Thing side wanting to eat people to be unwanted violence. [pause] I mean, you're gonna have to eat something, but -- well, shit pops up for people around here. Dee -- she's my other cousin -- said she found an orchard once, so. . .you like fruit?

[palmerthing]

Time travel is confusing.

Not for eating, not for eating. Anything that can talk is not for eating. Very important, that.

I was missing it the whole time, though. Being sober is bad enough when your life isn't rapidly becoming a living hell, much less when you're in a situation like I was. *He nods back.* Smaller stakes, but the same general idea. I just had to figure out when it would be odd to do it--or not to do it, for that matter. Occasionally it was about even and I just went with whatever I felt like.

Shit, I hope it would be unwanted. Someone who wants my oh-so-tender ministrations has bigger problems on their hands. *He thinks a moment.* I think fruit works? Mostly food tastes good but doesn't give me much energy . . . you can't get anything fresh in Antarctica, and I think my body keeps trying to assimilate food instead of digest it like a human would. Directly replacing old cells. Can't do that with anything unless it's very fresh indeed.

[museicalmarty]

You ain't kidding. I have no idea how Doc wraps his head around it all.

That's a good rule of thumb, yeah. If you can have a conversation with it, leave it alone.

Yeah, that's fair enough. I'd probably want a stiff drink or something myself, in your place. [smirking at the joint] But, hey, can make up for lost time here, I guess. And yeah -- doesn't sound like they figured you out until you came here, so you must have been doing something right. I'd have to watch the movie to be sure though.

[Marty, with a thoroughly weirded out face] Leeet's not think about that. And I see -- I guess that makes sense, given how you described being infected. But this would be pretty fresh -- straight off the tree. The trick would be not turning the tree into a Thing. . .

[palmerthing]

*A solemn nod. It would be really nice to live in a world where he didn't have to remind himself of things like that, but this is not that world.* I'll try very had not to break that rule, trust me.

I am totally going to make up for lost time. Maybe see if I can't fix some of the old Palmer's problems, too, now that I don't have to be exactly like he was. I love being me, but there are undeniably a few issues he was using this stuff to self-medicate for. *He runs that sentence through his head again and frowns.* I think I got the pronouns mixed up there somewhere. Or maybe English needs a few new ones. Eh, good enough.

I think if I picked the fruit it would be soon enough. Not sure how long cells stay alive after they've been separated from the main body, but a few minutes shouldn't kill it. You're right that I have to be careful, though. I'm kind of a walking apocalypse, aren't I?

[museicalmarty]

[A Thing from the famous horror movie is asking him to trust it -- him. This is what spending so much time in the Nexus does to you] Thanks -- I think everyone here would appreciate that.

No, I think -- I think you actually got it right. I mean, the Palmer using the weed before isn't the Palmer you are now, even if you've got his memories and all that. Makes sense to refer to that Palmer as "he." I think. [he rubs his face] Maybe English does need new pronouns. But yeah, as long as you've got the body and the memories -- might as well try to fix some of that stuff.

[raising an eyebrow] There's a reason MacCready was willing to freeze to death at the end rather than go looking for help and risk any Thing-ness getting spread around, yeah. What we really gotta figure out is how infectious you are. I mean, I know touching you is probably a bad idea. . . [hence why he's standing where he is]

[palmerthing]

*It's certainly an interesting place.* I'm glad the effort is appreciated.

It's disconcerting as Hell, but it does feel more accurate. I wish it didn't. *He hates wondering what became of the original Palmer's mind. It makes him feel guilty.* At least I don't have to worry about sleeping anymore, the new me can sleep one part at a time. No dreams.

I hope I'm not that infectious. *He frowns.* Considering that the dogthing licking me was enough to start the process, though . . . fuck, yeah, best if you not risk it. I need to avoid getting cut, too. If a head can walk on its own then my blood would probably thrash around like, well, something out of a horror movie.

[museicalmarty]

["Interesting" is one word for it. . .but Marty loves it just the same] We all just wanna live in peace here, dude.

Yeah, I can bet. . .like I said, don't envy what's going on in your head right now. [he nods a little, sighing, as Palmer talks about not needing to sleep the standard way] That I do kinda envy. Me and Doc have our fair share of nightmares about shit. Wouldn't mind being able to just skip doing the standard eight hours and work on songs and stuff instead. . .

[trying to make a joke] Just don't lick me, then? [more serious] But yeah, best not to risk it. [then, shifting from foot to foot as Palmer mentions the blood thing] Uh, yeah, I can tell you that it would. Comes up in the movie -- they start doing blood tests to see who's still human, and Thing blood -- well, it doesn't like fire any more than the rest of you, if I remember the test right.