WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

[deadgirlslikeme]

A door opens, and suddenly the sound of a baby wailing echoes across the nearby chunk of the Nexus. A bleary-eyed Victor Van Dort steps through, bouncing said wailing baby in his arms. "It's okay, it's okay. . .look, we're -- um." He blinks a few times as he registers where he is. "This isn't. . .oh, dear, how did I manage to choose the wrong door?" He goes to step back through --

Then stops, shakes his head, and proceeds to the nearest safe-looking bit of furniture, still cradling his son. "No. Perhaps someone can help here. At least, Alice and the others will get some decent sleep for a change. . ." He looks up, an exhausted man at the end of his rope. "Is there anyone around who's had at least one child and might know why they sometimes just start crying in the middle of the night and won't stop no matter what you do?"

Comments

[deadgirlslikeme]

[Victor, smiling] Yes, people want fish. My birth parents made their fortune by sticking fish into cans. I'm sure you can manage to make what you need with the fresh stuff.

[Alice frowns slightly] I do try. . .why would it be "too good" for you? You're the one in most need of it. It should be just right.

[lastest_ringbearer]

Fish. In canses. *Why would you do such a thing to a fish?*

Not a nice person is Smeagol, is he? Killed Deagol, he did, and strangled orcses. Thief, sssneak, wretch. *There's something unpleasant indeed in his expression for a moment, before he's back to himself like someone flipped a switch.* Yet wretches are the most in need, Precious, are they not? Yesss, nice lady isss right.

[save_us_alice]

[Victor, biting back a smile] Well, it keeps them fresher for longer -- at least, that was William's big line. It worked for him.

[Alice eyes Smeagol for a minute as he flips between his two sides -- interesting] Well, if you count all the creatures I killed in Wonderland, I might not be the best person either. But yes, you're right. You may have darkness in your past, but -- that's the past. The Nexus is good for second chances.

[lastest_ringbearer]

People who want fresh fishes ought to go catch them.

It isss a long passst, and poor Smeagol is tired. Yes, yesss. Smeagol will endure. He's always endured, so I have. We was a better person once. Long ago, when light wasss not a thing to fear. My birthday present was better than the light! No. No, it wasn't. And it wasn't our birthday present, either. Was. Came to you on your birthday, didn't it? Not a very good present. Best present. Terrible.

We would like a second chance.

[deadgirlslikeme]

[Victor shrugs] Not everyone lives near water. Can't catch a fish if you can't get to the fish.

[Alice observes Smeagol's argument with himself] Seems like you're of two minds on the subject. At least you seem united on a second chance.

[Victor nods] Well, this is a good start, right? Food, clothes, hopefully a chair. . .

[lastest_ringbearer]

If you have no water you die. *Smirk.* After a while.

We are of two mindses ever. *He shakes his head.* Smeagol very much wants a second chance. Gollum is weak now, faded without the Precious whole he is, and ssso he bides his time. I know things now that Gollum would rather have kept to himself. That the One kept to itself, praps. Knowing helps Smeagol. But Gollum waitses, yes, and our fingers itch to be grasping.

Yes, we wanted a chair. So nice, the Men.

[save_us_alice]

[Victor, making faces as he tries to think of a way to explain] I -- have you heard of "plumbing" before?

[Alice, taking the easier route] People can have water brought to their houses via pipes, but it generally doesn't come with fish in it. Hence the need to buy it from someone else. [her expression grows concerned as he talks about Smeagol and Gollum and of being of two minds] So that "Precious" essentially created a whole other personality? Well then. [between that and the sheer amount of time he hung onto it, it's a wonder he's in as good of shape as he is!] It sounds like Gollum has had his time to go around grasping. Smeagol deserves his turn, so to speak.

[Victor, smiling] We're doing our best! Furniture was up another floor, right Alice?

[Alice, nodding] Yes, there should be some stairs. . .or an escalator. [for Smeagol's benefit] Moving stairs -- they take you up with them.

[lastest_ringbearer]

The Precious and the darkness, yesss, and being alone. *A little while spent with Frodo, who was practically kindness personified until the Ring finally got to him, was a help. He had as good as forgotten which of him was the original before that.* I, I deserve my turn? Yes, we suppose Smeagol does. But what does deserving have to do with anything? Life is not fair. We're used to that. I wish the light didn't hurt our eyes ssso. We were in our cave so long . . .

Stairses that move? Lazy, lazy! Humans should try climb to Cirith Ungol, yes they should! Then they'd know what it isss to truly climb.

[save_us_alice]

[Alice bites her lip] Yes, all of that together would do the trick, wouldn't it? I used to pretend to be multiple people growing up because I was lonely. . . [and that led straight to Wonderland, and to the Queen of Hearts. . .not as grasping and annoying as Gollum, at least these days, but Alice thinks it's enough to sympathize] And life may not be fair, but we can at least try to make it a little fairer. Like helping you with the clothing situation.

[Victor, frowning] Speaking of which. . .maybe we should try to find you some sunglasses. Those would at least dim the light.

[Alice nods] Mmm. . .perhaps we'll see some on the way. [she chuckles at Smeagol's declaration of moving stairs making humans lazy] You know, I shan't argue with you -- we do a lot of things to try and avoid too much exertion. That being said, Victor's pretty good at climbing.

[Victor, a little pink] Almost certainly not as good as you though. Less practice.

Gollum in sunglasses. I can't even.

[lastest_ringbearer]

Nasssty little trickses they played. Don't pretend to be an us, it might come true.

Things that dim light would be nice, yes.

We wish we could show you what some of the places we've been looked like. Sssome were very interesting, if naught else. Others . . . otherses were more like the Straight Stair. Awful near-cliff it wasss, yes.

It is a very interesting mental image XD

[save_us_alice]

[Alice waggles a hand] It sort of already did -- back in Rutledge, I had to go on a long mental journey through my Wonderland to kill the Queen of Hearts, one of my typical imaginary companions, who was stopping me from actually recovering from my tragedies. She never got control of my body and voice, though -- which is very good, as she's a bit too fond of ordering people beheaded.

[Victor nods firmly] Then we'll look for them. They must have them somewhere.

[Victor grimaces at that description of the Straight Stair] Must have been terrible to get up. . .I can scale a lot of things, but a cliff sounds like it would take a lot out of me.

[Alice, making a slight face] Me too. . .even in Wonderland, where I've got a hell of a jump. And yes, it is a bit of a shame we can't see your world. . .even if it sounds like a pretty dangerous and difficult place sometimes.

[lastest_ringbearer]

Would anyone have obeyed your orderses?

Wasss not as long as the Winding Ssstair at least. And then Her, because Gollum is a sneak! *There's something about the way he says 'sneak,' like he means something far worse.*

[save_us_alice]

[Alice shakes her head] Likely not, which is good. But it would have been more trouble for everyone around me, and I probably would have never made it out of the asylum as a result. [Victor puts his arm around her, and she leans into him -- clearly neither of them like thinking about that possibility]

[Victor frowns, puzzled] Who's -- Her? [he asks, despite not being sure he wants to know. . .he suspects she has something to do with the way Smeagol is saying 'sneak' like a swear word]

[lastest_ringbearer]

Shelob, Sauron's cat, the spider queen, the keeper of Cirith Ungol.

Gollum wanted Her to kill the one who held the Precious so we could take it back. Up the Stairs we led, but its keeper lived. Shelob was a danger, but She was not the end of the story.

We helped them more than we hurt them, for there were no safe paths to be had. If we had told them what they would face they might have kept searching for what didn't exist longer yet.

[save_us_alice]

[Both Alice and Victor look mildly horrified, though it's Alice who speaks up first] Spider queen. And here's me thinking the ones I faced in Wonderland would have to be the worst. . .

[Victor gives her a little squeeze] I'm glad he made it through. . .it couldn't have been easy! And yes, I suppose that's a good way of looking at it. Making sure they at least started the trip.

[Alice nods] Sometimes you've got to just face the danger head-on and hope you come out the other side.

[lastest_ringbearer]

Shelob was not the worst of her kind, or so the tales say. We wouldn't want to meet whoever was, Precious, for Her webs filled Cirith Ungol with cave-darkness until even poor Smeagol was blind. Gollum was too small and scrawny for Her to care about, but for mossst the pass was ssshut.

Mean fat hobbit called us a sssneak, so we didn't warn them. Went sneaking instead.

[save_us_alice]

[Victor and Alice both shudder, with Victor saying] I wouldn't want to meet whoever was worse than her either. I don't mind spiders if they're small, but. . .

[Alice, shaking her head] I think Shelob was a spider to be minded. And avoided. You're lucky she didn't consider you a decent meal. . .

[she frowns as he continues] You know, you'd think he'd realize calling you names while you were leading them somewhere probably wouldn't be the wisest course of action.

[lastest_ringbearer]

But She was anything but sssmall, yesss.

Stupid little hobbitses, they never learn anything. That one leassst of all.

[save_us_alice]

[Victor, making a weak joke] Rather more than cat-sized too, I'm imagining.

[Alice, shaking her head] Honestly, a cat-sized spider would have been bad enough. . .and it doesn't sound like he had much in the way of brain. Always be polite to the person who knows the area better than you do.

[lastest_ringbearer]

Far more.

Ssshould have left that one in the Dead Marshes, yes. What's one more body on an old battlefield? Smeagol isss too nice.

[save_us_alice]

[Alice shrugs] Well, nothing to do about it now. You're here, and he's there. At least you shan't see him again.

[lastest_ringbearer]

Better if we never meet again, yesss. True of everyone from home, that, even nice Frodo. He meant well, but it still ended bad.

[save_us_alice]

[Alice, thoughtfully] Road to hell paved with good intentions and all that. . .but if he was nice, he shouldn't begrudge you a fresh start.

[Victor nods] The past is prologue, as Dad might say. Time to look toward the future.

[lastest_ringbearer]

He was the only one who wouldn't. People are good at grudges, my love. Gollum deserveses worse, he doesss! But not poor Smeagol.

[deadgirlslikeme]

[Alice, frowning] Oh, you don't need to tell us that people are good at grudges. I still hold one against those two bloody orderlies in Rutledge who tormented me so, even now that they're past the point where they can ever do so again.

[Victor] And on the other side, I don't think Barbara Porter ever forgave me for what she thought was a clumsy attempt at a pass. . . [shakes his head] Again, you're away from all that. Let's see if we can get those sunglasses.